Student Mauled by Gorillas

Henry Roberts, age 17, was mauled by gorillas yesterday at the Middleton Zoo. He was apparently trying to wave at the animals when he fell into the cage and was instantly ripped apart. According to the chief zookeeper, it is unusual for gorillas to exhibit such immediately violent behavior. As retribution for their senseless killing, the gorilla family has been tortured.

Roberts is remembered as a tall, dark, and handsome young man with a passion for butchery.