Student Incinerated in Car Accident

Ralph Carlson, age 17, was killed last night when his car spontaneously combusted and exploded on the Middleton Post Road. Bystanders claimed that the car was stopped at a light and simply caught fire out of nowhere, before exploding in a shattering storm of broken glass, metal, and flesh. Carlson had been obliterated so completely that three teeth were the only remains of the body. His teeth were scattered into Lake Middleton, as per the wishes of his family.

Carlson will be remembered as a promising student athlete with a passion for music and movies.